Zygonyulla's Blog

The Corps of Cadets. The scars, the tears the laughs and the new fears they bred in me. They showed me a new side of human hatred and darkness. Why? Because they could not understand and had no a care for the odd man out. The one who was alone every night as a fish, the overweight 'clueless' 'buddy.' What a stupid false, and facade of a bond between anyone. Of course, I had the most 'fun' messing it up unintentionally, learning that no matter what, the only true victory is if you have breath or not at the end. But to tell you the truth, they were mostly weak, insecure horrible manipulative people that I wish never to be around. But I still love them all. So. Walton hall, S.C.A and church... Ok. Crazy women in the place we are to find them. Soo much baggage, so much darkness and misery. So beautiful they are though. But the one. Crazy as me. Angry and insecure, rebellious and scared. Drug on the rocks, rough edges, rough speak, fake mask but that is how it is supposed to be. So I guess she is 'perfect' -ly phony. Kind of surprised he is gay... Kind of saw it coming... haha, NEAT!!! Why would I ever want to date someone I consider as crazy as me? And how do they, after repeated telling, over and over, that one is not attracted to another, and still believes another thing from the mouths of the nay sayers. I guess she is a cop out coward. Pity really, but no surprise, where the masks are most polished, they are easily seen through and broken... Dumb little girl. Like I said, God put you here to teach me patience. At least you do something well. I still love you, but for the final time, I don't want to ever date you!!!!

I am going out with Lisa now. She is nice and funny, but a little immature and loud, but of course, I have no room to talk. Seeing as I used to be the same way, I have left it alone. The Erin I fell in love with no longer exhist. Yet another firl I must bury and erect a tombstone for in my diary. Sad isnt it? The girl I fall in love with goes out with a total and complete screw up and I let it be. I look back on it now and see that it would have been worth the risk of messing up my relationship with her in order to save her. She seems happy now but I know she isnt, she is absorbing his hate for himself. He cant stand himself, the way he walks, the way he talks, the things he feels and the things he thingks and does: he cant stand any of them! Perhaps I can help her, hold her hand or what ever, I just want her to be happy and I am not seeing it. Partly because of him and partly because I am distancing myself because I am hurt, but I know it is stupid and foolish to distance my self when she probably doesent even know I am hurt. Help me someone, please help me.

GOD DAMN IT!!!!!! WHY IS HE FOOLING HER SO MUCH!!!!! I CANT TAKE MUCH MORE OF THIS AND I KNOW HE IS GOING TO DO SOMETHING TO HER LIKE HE DID HIS LAST!!!!! This anger is like a gaping hole in my head with nothing but salt soaking in to it. It is as ifthe only relief would be to scrape it all out from the inside with a knife only for it to be filled up instantly again!!!!! Something is about to happen, I can feel it....

I am new to this tBlog, but I intend to use it.